Seaside News

News from the North Wales Seaside...

Scores Killed in Pterodactyl Attack

SHOPPERS were forced to flee for their lives as a hostile Pterodactyl attacked passers by in Rhyl-on-Sea High street.

LOLLIPOP LADY QUITS AFTER 19 WORK INJURIES

A MUCH loved lollipop lady has resigned from her post after being mown down by rogue drivers for the last time. Veteran roadside stalwart,Dora Cefndy has been guiding youngsters across one of Rhyl on Sea's most dangerous thoroughfares for more than two decades but finally decided to throw in the towel after her 19th hospitalisation.

Jewish Pirates spread Terror along North Wales Coast

Brutal pirate attacks, which have crippled shipping in and around the Irish Sea are the responsibility of Zionist conspirators, bent on bringing the world to its knees according to a prominent politician.

In the past six months, more than 240 tankers and container vessels heading to Rhyl on Sea from around the globe have been seized at gunpoint by hordes of balaclava-wearing youths using rocket propelled grenades and AK-47 assault rifles to subdue the vessels.

Kazakhstani terrorist spirited out of Rhyl on Sea by secret police.

Kazakhstani police scouring the world for terrorists who let off a series of bombs in their capital city last month, have denied a snatch and grab operation rumoured to have taken place in rhyl on Sea yesterday.

 

Boy Fed Crocodile to Rabbits

A MENTALLY unstable Rhyl-on-Sea teenager has been jailed indefinitely after feeding an alligator to a pack of rabbits. 19 year old Darren Spanish, of no fixed address, appeared before magistrates at Rhyl on Sea last Sunday charged with causing unnecessary suffering to the reptile.





Community Shocked as Dismembered Bodies Found on Soccer Pitch

A QUESTION mark hangs over the future of Rhyl on Sea's all weather pitch after body parts were discovered on the playing field. The area, which is used all seasons for a variety of games, was last month closed indefinitely after the horrific discovery.



Tramp Claims Identity Stole by Giant Spider - Sentenced

A MAN, found naked and wandering along Rhyl on Sea's beach last weekend, claims that his identity has been stolen by a malevolent spider. The 46 year old, known to police as John Doe, was thought to be under the influence of hallucinogenic drugs when he was arrested for indecency early on Saturday morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"As we rounded the corner onto the promenade we saw the Pterodactyl perched on to of the war memorial.

"It was chewing on the guts of some bloke, whose torso was dangling upside down by his entrails and he was still yelling.



- Specialist police marksman, Max Brighton.

Pterodactyl Terror - Hundreds killed in horrific Rhyl on Sea horror Attack.

Posted by Thomas ap Dewi on 7/23/09

SHOPPERS were forced to flee for their lives as a hostile Pterodactyl attacked passers by in Rhyl-on-Sea High street.

Police, ambulance crews and fire engines were directed to the scene shortly after 1.30pm after receiving a frantic telegram from charity shop worker, Hazel Elwy.

But the scene that greeted the emergency services was a grim one, with body parts piled up outside the card shop and the Pterodactyl nowhere in sight.

Specialist police marksman, Max Brighton described what happened next.

"It was dead quiet and we split up into pairs to search the alleyways and to look inside shops," he said. "After 10 minutes, we were about to give up and chase after some motorists using mobile phones while driving, when we heard a scream.

"As we rounded the corner onto the promenade we saw the Pterodactyl perched on to of the war memorial.

"It was chewing on the guts of some bloke, whose torso was dangling upside down by his entrails and he was still yelling.

"Needless to say I vomited and dropped a log simultaneously, so I had to run off and change."

Eyewitnesses went on to recount how special forces troops managed to get within 20 yards of the bird before being picked off by laser beams emanating from its scaly eyes.

"Ugh! It was like so gruesome," said one surly teenager dressed in pyjamas.

It had previously been thought that Pterodactyls had died out more than 65 million years ago in the great extinction which wiped out all dinosaurs.

Plans to use a tactical nuclear strike to destroy the creature were thwarted by representatives from Rhyl-on-Sea's wildlife trust who declared the animal an endangered species.

After an eight hour stand-off during which a further 67 people were killed, the pterodactyl was lured into an enclosure at Rhyl on Sea zoo using a trail of still warm body parts.

After close examination the winged giant was found to be a female. Zoo-keepers have named her Teresa.

An illegal government "Black Ops" genetics laboratory is currently being investigated in connection with the incident. A man who does not officially exist declined to comment.