Disability vehicles to be used in South American drugs war

POLICE in Rhyl-on-Sea are leaving no stone unturned in their hunt for a desperate scooter thief who has emptied the town's mobility shop.

Officers were called to the scene early on Monday morning by distraught shop owner Mark Asaph, who had arrived at his normally well stocked premises and found them empty.

It is thought that up to 30 vehicles capable of travelling up to seven MPH had been taken.
After combing the area for clues, detectives were able to follow the trail of tire tracks into Rhyl-on-Sea's pedestrianised zone, where they lost the trail.

Sgt Dave Kinmel explained, "It was like they had just vanished into thin air.
"We looked to the left and we looked to the right but we could see them anywhere. We were quite miffed and decided to find a pie shop where we could wait until we worked out what to do.
"But the town's only pie shop is only open on Thursdays so we went and sat in the cars."
The full scale search ground to a halt until an un-named passer-by spotted the purloined vehicles speeding down the promenade towards the edge of town.
"We went after them in hot pursuit," said Sgt Kinmel. "The scooters had been tied together with shoelaces and were being pulled at speed by a wild-haired geriatric, laughing manically and smoking superkings held between her gnarly, yellowed fingers."
But the moment of truth arrived when the perp moved the goalposts by nipping in between the obstacles in the Drifting Park.
"A roadblock set up to stop her was abandoned when we realised that she was armed to the teeth and to be honest, none of us fancied going down in a hail of bullets so we scarpered."
The woman, who is now thought to be the mysterious international Mexican bandit, Hernando Jones, was seen herding the stolen disability aids aboard a stealth painted trawler lying off the coast.
Experts claim the scooters will be sold to the highest bidder in the impoverished and war-torn provinces of Afghanistan.
It is likely they will be stripped down to their chassis, clad in armour and sent against American main battle tanks.
A pentagon strategic Analyst revealed, "The bottom line is that this could be a blessing in disguise and in the final analysis, could bring an end to the war on terror."
A spokesman for Al Qaeda merely replied, "Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha."