Quantum Physics Responsible for 13 Deaths

Doctors investigating a recent series of deaths across North Wales have concluded that all but one of the fatalities had resulted from exploding head syndrome, brought about by attempts to understand complex quantum physics.

In scenes reminscent of the 1994 video games, 'Mortal Kombat,' 13 second year university students were found dead shortly before midnight on Thursday, with their brains plastering the walls of their student digs.

Officers responding to the string of emergency calls were violently sick, adding to confusion at the scene.

Inspector Maxwell of the Yard explains, "At the beginning of this case, it appeared that were looking for a serial killer, but although several of the victims were found in one house, others were several miles away. It was clearly not possible that this was the work of one man."

Gore-covered items recovered from the scenes revealed that all of the individuals involved had been recently addressing horrendously difficult and mind-bending issues relating to the complexities of the universe. One of the bodies still had a copy of stephen Hawking's 'A Brief History of time' clutched to his chest. Another had been reading a recent work by former boy-band keyboardist, Dr Brian Cocks.

Officers contacted Drs Hawking and Cocks early this morning to seek their explanations on the matter.

"Given the quantum uncertainty of the universe, and the probabilty of subatomic particles not neccesarily being confined to a definite location and time, it is entirely possible that these students' brains were spontaneously transposed outside of their bodies and redistributed to other points in the universe," explained Dr Cocks.

Dr Hawking disagreed and proposed an alternative model whereby small black holes formed inside the victims' heads, pulping their brains and causing not an explosion, but an implosion.

"The important thing to consider in this case in whether or not information is destroyed by black holes or is preserved. If the latter is the case, then we have a chance of reconstructing their memories from the data. However, the uncertainty principle means that is unlikely we shall actually be able to view that data."

An un-named passing third year student had a different opinion. "It's obvious innit? They were doing essays on uncertainty and the sheer insanity of the subject mangled their minds," he said Right. I'm off to search for some porn."

"Physics and porn should never be mixed - the resonance is just too great," opined Dr Cocks.

Theories which would have allowed a time travelling serial killer to murder all of the students simultaneously were dismissed after three policemen's heads exploded while the concepts were being explained to them by Dr Hawking

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