Penny pushing Mayhem

There was turmoil at the weekend and three people had to be taken to Rhyl-on-Sea Underground Hospital after a riot erupted at the Annual Penny Pushing Championships being held on the promenade.

Arguments between the very competetive 'pushers' had started prior to the race after Bolivian contestant, Mr Upandown, protested that his Egyptian rival, Mr Swagga-hagga had been seen taking an unknown substance before the event.

This was later confirmed by forensic testers as nothing more than Cilit Bang.

Further disturbances occurred as the athletes set down to begin the race. This was said by witnesses to be caused by Mr Upandown reportedly "breaking wind at an alarming rate and potency" in an effort to distract the other contestants.

Mr Upandown was warned by race organisers that the wind breaking was deemed unsportsmanlike and he would be disqualified if it continued.

Once the race began, tension seemed to die down as both athletes and spectator concentrated on the pushing action, with Roland Bowlend of Poland taking an early lead.

Tempers again flared just yards from the finishing line after a spectator was seen throwing a bag of Euros into the course of the leading competitors.

This resulted in Mr Upandown disqualified form winning as he pushed a Euro cent past the finishing line instead. The title was controversially handed to second place Mr Swagga-Hagga of Egypt.

The riot was in full swing just moments later and several people were injured by penny shrapnel.

One spectator said, "It was chaos, there was pennies flying everywhere! My wife was hit in the face by a fifty-pence piece, but I managed to get her breasts on the second attempt."

The rioting was ended after thieves stole all the money.

A police spokesman said, "God, my elbows are itching. Argh. Do you ever get that? Awwww. It's really annoying!

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